Whew ok, so I have five minutes to sit and breathe finally. I apologize in advance for the randomness of this post, but I have a lot on my mind today.
I just spent 15 minutes rocking this little guy to sleep. I'm thankful he still likes me to do that every once in a while.
I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions right now and my mental to do list is a mile long. At the end of the day though, I'm trying to remember that my real to do list consists of three things: feed, love, and teach my little ones. Everything and anything else is gravy.
I thought I'd share a poem that I absolutely love and totally sums up the season of life I'm in right now.
Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
I really want to slow down and treasure these times with my babies because they're everything to me. Life is too short to spend working or cleaning or doing anything that takes time away from those you love.
One year ago today was the last time I saw my brother alive. I'm still filled with so much regret when I think of wasted time and self-absorption that kept me from getting to spend more time with him. I still catch myself forgetting sometimes that he's not here. It's only a moment where I think "I wonder what Tom will be bringing to the party?" Or "Tom would think this is hilarious! I have to tell him about this!" It only lasts for a second and then I'm filled with such sadness it takes my breath away.
The last time I saw him didn't feel like the last time. It wasn't anything special and I don't think we hugged or even said I love you. I try hard not to let myself dwell too much on that day, my mistakes, or how much I miss him. There are some places I just don't let my mind go. But I do think about how I won't ever let another day pass without telling the most important people in my life how much I love them and making sure that I show them how much I love them.
"So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep."
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